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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25431487">Fear of Drowning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogio/pseuds/nikogio'>nikogio</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Relativity [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Scrubs (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, and even some plot, but not as much as I’d intended tbh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:27:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25431487</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikogio/pseuds/nikogio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A rewrite/post-episode fic for 3x14 My Screwup. This is the first I’ve ever written, let alone published, so I hope the theme isn’t *too* tired. Though, let’s be honest, we all know why we’re here. Definitely played it fast-and-loose with canon. Feedback is welcome and appreciated!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Perry Cox &amp; John "JD" Dorian, Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Relativity [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Where do you think we are?”</p><p> </p><p>His question made no sense at first. But the concern in his eyes was jarring. I looked around and felt the earth shatter as my gaze fell on Ben’s casket. The suffocating grief struck all at once and my eyes burned with tears.</p><p> </p><p>If you asked me now I couldn’t tell you a word of the reverend’s eulogy. The one thing I do remember was the firm grip on my shoulder throughout. Not Jordan’s. <em>His</em>. Somehow, it kept me grounded just enough to process the immense sadness that had taken hold. My mind blinked through memories—Ben’s frighteningly impressive aptitude for Gay Chicken, his shockingly appropriate toast at my wedding, the momentary blindness every time his camera flash betrayed his attempt at a stealthy candid shot...</p><p> </p><p>“Dr. Cox?”</p><p> </p><p>The memories dissolved and reality again took precedence. I acknowledged the kid with as much attention as I could manage.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s over. Are you ready to go?”</p><p> </p><p>I scanned the rows of folding chairs. They were all empty. The casket had been lowered and the grave filled. Condolences and goodbyes had been exchanged. We alone haunted the cemetery.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” I mustered. “Let’s go.”</p><p> </p><p>“You gonna be okay driving home?” The worry in JD’s eyes sent a strange jolt through me, but it vanished before I could pay it much thought.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, Newbie. Don’t need a babysitter,” I grumbled.</p><p> </p><p>He frowned a bit, but nodded and turned toward his car. As he reached his driver’s side door, I felt my stomach lurch. The looming threat of solitude clutched at the edges of my awareness and I was not quite ready to be crushed under its weight.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Newb—ah—JD.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” He peered at me over the roof of his car, raised eyebrows betraying the surprise that always accompanies hearing me use his real name.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go for a drive.”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t hesitate. Just wordlessly locked his car and glided to the passenger side of mine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>How do you find where you’re going when you’re not even sure where you’re supposed to be? Or something else fake-deep. Enjoy the angst and tension!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I didn’t know how long we’d been driving for. The sun was fairly low, painting the wave tops orange and pink. My companion was half-slumped into the passenger-side window. The wind cooled my sun-beaten face and tousled his wavy, brown locks. I normally didn’t notice that kind of thing. The whole day had me upside-down, I’d reasoned.</p><p> </p><p>As the ocean wind grew cooler and mingled with the silence, it sent a surge of blackness through me that threatened to drown me. I gave a forceful, measured cough and watched sidelong as JD stirred awake. From beneath heavy eyelids he looked past me toward the seaside.</p><p> </p><p>“Are we close?” he wondered aloud.</p><p> </p><p>“Close to what?” I half-wondered myself.</p><p> </p><p>“To wherever we’re going.”</p><p> </p><p>I opened my mouth to speak, but found no answer. At least nothing satisfying.</p><p> </p><p>“Hell, Newbie, I don’t know. I’m not even sure where we are now.” I tried to convey annoyance that I didn’t really feel. I think he noticed, because he smiled quietly to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, wherever we end up is fine. Can we just pull off for a minute? I have to...you know...”</p><p> </p><p>“What, take a leak? Good Lord, Kid. Her Majesty the Queen is more crass than you.” I’m not sure why his timidity irritated me so much, but if he was even a little bit less whiny he’d make a semi-decent drinking buddy. If only.</p><p> </p><p>Ignoring my half-hearted dig, he gestured ahead. </p><p> </p><p>“There’s a pull-off coming up. Can we just stop for a minute?”</p><p> </p><p>Exhaling sharply, I slowed and brought us to a small sandlot overlooking the ocean. JD threw open his door and jogged over to a small bush up against jagged cliff. I felt a heat in the back of my neck as I realized my gaze had followed him a bit too long. I jerked my head away and instead focused in on the gleaming ocean. The sun was beginning its final descent. Its warmth would soon follow. That thought and the constant breeze made me shiver.</p><p> </p><p>I glanced briefly back at the kid and, seeing that he didn’t quite seem finished, abandoned my car and walked to the overlook at the edge of the lot. The last of the sun was now melting into the watery horizon and I closed my eyes as another icy breeze ruffled the sand dunes below. For some reason I couldn’t bare to watch it disappear, so I kept my eyes closed and rested against the worn concrete railing, trying unsuccessfully to think of nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“Drink?”</p><p> </p><p>JD’s voice cut through my thoughts. I was secretly grateful for this. I traced the sound of a small clink to his hand, which held a bottle of my go-to scotch. It even had the teeth marks around the seal like the kind my bottles always get. <em>Ah</em>. The realization struck me and I mustered my best puffed-out chest and intimidating voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Where did you get that?” It definitely fell short of its usual menacing affect, but I’d hoped it would do the trick.</p><p> </p><p>No luck. The kid just smiled, totally unaffected. There was no mischief in it. In fact, it showed a trace of sadness. This put me off-kilter but I tried to maintain a neutral expression.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s literally been sliding around the floor of the car since I got in. We should probably talk about that later—“</p><p> </p><p>I narrowed my eyes in a vaguely threatening manner.</p><p> </p><p>“—but for now, you look like you need it. Cheers.”</p><p> </p><p>He unscrewed the cap and surrendered the bottle. I took a generous swig and exhaled as the burn travelled down my throat, spreading momentary warmth throughout my body. After more than a few of those, I noticed the sky begin spinning. Normally it would take a lot more to knock me sideways, but it’s not like I had been able to keep down food in recent memory.</p><p> </p><p>When the bottle was drained of all but about a few ounces, I pushed it towards JD’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Here. Finish this so I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>He scowled, nose wrinkling.</p><p> </p><p>“You know I don’t drink scotch. Can’t I just dump it?”</p><p> </p><p>“JD, for godsakes just be a good drinking buddy and down the damned stuff,” I nearly pleaded.</p><p> </p><p>I can’t say I expected him to oblige, even under what certainly counted as unusual circumstances. But to my surprise he squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head all the way back, bottle pressed to his lips. I braced for what I knew would come next—an inhuman amount of gagging. Admittedly the thought of the cheap laugh kept my attention. I watched as his neck muscles tensed and relaxed. <em>Not even a little throat-clearing noise?</em> He noticed what must have been an uncharacteristically shocked expression on my face, slammed the empty bottle on the concrete, and smiled.</p><p> </p><p>Then his eyes widened and an enormous, straining cough escaped from his lungs. This quickly erupted into a full-fledged fit and he doubled over, hands on his knees, wheezing and gasping between some truly hideous choking noises. Fearing that he might actually panic himself into losing consciousness, I moved to his side and rubbed firm circles into his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy there, Slugger. Slow breaths in and out. You know the drill.”</p><p> </p><p>Gradually over the next few minutes, he began to regain composure until he was finally able to look up at me.</p><p> </p><p>“Ta-da,” he uttered weakly through a sheepish smile.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome back, there, Princess.”</p><p> </p><p>Something about the moment made my guts twist up. Maybe it was the way he looked at me with earnest appreciation. Maybe it was realizing that I had felt genuine concern for him. Or maybe it was—yep—my hand was still absently massaging his back. Our eyes had locked at some point and had yet to break away. <em>Not now, Perry</em>, I pleaded with myself. <em>No more feelings tonight.</em></p><p> </p><p>I quickly withdrew the offending hand and cleared my throat. JD startled noticeably, almost stumbling backward. Our gazes finally having broken, I focused instead on the empty bottle and regretted giving up the dregs. I even pondered driving on to find a bar, though even I’m not self-destructive enough to get behind the wheel in such a state. But I did remember something else.</p><p> </p><p>JD looked on as I returned to my car, popped the trunk, and unzipped my gym bag.</p><p> </p><p>Thank God, I rejoiced, removing an unopened 2-quart bottle of cheap whiskey. I raised it in the air victoriously and watched as the kid’s eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>“I swear I bought this to bring to Jordan’s later.” That was mostly true, at least.</p><p> </p><p>“Dr. Cox we should really talk about—“</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. We should. But not tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>He nodded and gulped some air.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I...have to drink more?”</p><p> </p><p>As the previous drink had almost killed him, I wasn’t about to make him do a whiskey keg-stand. But my hand still felt kind of warm from rubbing his back and I wasn’t even annoyed by that, which ironically, I found very irritating.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d respect you more if you did.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you wouldn’t.” His assuredness was surprising and for some reason I felt my ears flush.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, somebody wore his big-boy briefs today,” I recovered.</p><p> </p><p>He turned away silently and stared toward the horizon. True, I’d definitely gone heavy on the jabs since Ben died, but didn’t quite realize how much I’d pissed him off until that moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Aw c’mon, Newbie, I could’ve said ‘big-girl panties’! I called you a boy!”</p><p> </p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, let’s just stand here quietly and enjoy the romance of the moment.”</p><p> </p><p><em>Romance of what? Did I just say that?</em> Thank God he kept his end of the silence pact, though I swear I saw him crack a smile for just an instant.</p><p> </p><p>After what felt like a few eternities, the kid turned to me and nodded toward the dunes.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna head down there?”</p><p> </p><p>I shrugged, took another swig from the bottle, and offered it gingerly.</p><p> </p><p>“For good luck? No pressure, I swear.”</p><p> </p><p>To my surprise, he barely hesitated. Just cocked a suspicious eyebrow before taking the bottle. He tilted his head back and downed a sizable pour. My breath caught momentarily in my throat. I reasoned that I was just preparing for another episode of respiratory failure, but even after it was clear that there would be none, I couldn’t stop watching and I couldn’t force air through my lungs. Finally he finished, I breathed, and he shoved the bottle into my chest with unexpected force as he strode by.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Uhh did somebody call for some more angsty tension? No, just me then?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>We stumbled down the steep, rocky incline. My head was spinning faster as the scotch dug in its heels. Still, I was more together than the kid, who insisted upon going first but almost toppled over several times. As we neared the end of the short but somewhat treacherous trek, I saw his foot slip from a rock and instinctively grabbed the back of his shirt. It stopped him falling, but my forward momentum sent us both soaring into the sand below. Its silky appearance gave way to a much grainier and more painful reality. Fortunately my knees broke most of the fall, though a popping sensation in my shoulder did not escape my attention. My inebriated companion, however, was lying face-down to my right, limbs splayed in many directions.</p><p> </p><p>“JD? Speak to me there, Newbie.” He lifted his head and slowly turned it toward me.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfffftspppp,” he spat, ejecting a considerable amount of sand. I chuckled. He rolled himself onto his back and eventually sat up on his elbows, brushing his suit clean to the best of his drunken ability. Though I was now looking out over the water, I felt his eyes boring through my forehead and hoped the flush rising up my neck wasn’t too apparent.</p><p> </p><p>“Ocean’s thattaway, Chief,” I offered with a halfhearted gesture, careful not to catch his eye.</p><p> </p><p>A gentle “flump” indicated that he had joined me and I looked sideways to see him sitting, legs stretched forward, back resting on the sloped rock behind us. Following his gaze back toward the ocean, my eyes scanned over his stomach, where his shirt had scrunched up slightly to reveal a sliver of pale flesh. The heat in my neck intensified, my breath hitched momentarily, and my head jerked back to its default forward position.</p><p> </p><p>I forced my mind elsewhere, wondering how Jordan was holding up, if the reception was over, if Carla and Gandhi were already back at work.</p><p> </p><p>Work. The hospital. Ben. The images washed over me again with a new intensity that left me winded and shaking. I once again found myself struggling for air and prayed that the kid next to me wouldn’t notice. No one was allowed to see me this weak, especially not JD.</p><p> </p><p><em>Especially not JD? What exactly does that mean?</em> The intruding thoughts did not exactly help with the hyperventilating. <em>Shit. I think he heard.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Try to take a really deep breath through your nose and hold it.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yeah, he definitely noticed.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not having—I’m fine,” I struggled through gritted teeth.</p><p> </p><p>He rolled his eyes again. Warranted, I’ll admit.</p><p> </p><p>I waved him off, but took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. He sat up and rolled sideways onto his knees, facing me and closing most of the distance between us.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to hold it,” he nudged. “It’ll lower your heart rate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Been a doctor longer than you were a virgin, Mary.”</p><p> </p><p>He scowled, but largely ignored my lazy insult and with surprising deftness grabbed my wrist while checking his watch.</p><p> </p><p>“The hell you doing?!” I scolded.</p><p> </p><p>“Checking your pulse.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no shit. Why?” Even as I protested, I let him continue, watching him count the beats. The doe-eyed kid from a few years earlier still showed in places, but I noticed the stress wrinkles forming on his formerly smooth brow and a few errant gray hairs that stood out among the surrounding dark brown.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It suits him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The thought had weaseled its way in before I could stop it, settled for a brief moment, and erased itself as I shook my head like an Etch-a-Sketch.</p><p> </p><p>JD frowned and the wrinkles deepened on his furrowed brow. “112 beats per minute. What’re you normally?”</p><p> </p><p>“Low 70s.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighed forcefully. “Just try the breathing thing. Please?”</p><p> </p><p>The look of genuine concern caught me off guard, though I wasn’t sure why. But my staggered breaths hadn’t improved so I inhaled deeply through my nose and held it.</p><p> </p><p>“Close your eyes,” he instructed gently. I obeyed, this time without protest.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of crashing waves and the pulsing of blood in my ears provided a strange, visceral sense of... mortality, I could only guess. But there was a third sensation. It felt far more foreign, though not unwelcome.</p><p> </p><p>The hand on my wrist.</p><p> </p><p>I again attempted to erase the realization, to reason it away with a catalog of tired explanations. But something about the salty air, the rhythmic thudding in my ears, the sharp contrast of the cool air and the spot of warmth where our skin made contact, left me unable or unwilling to shake the thought. As I exhaled, I felt my heart slow and opened my eyes to see that his were far closer than before. I opened my mouth to speak, with no plan of what I was actually going to say. Instead, a scorching heat erupted in my stomach and shocked me backward. We broke eye contact, but the furnace I’d somehow swallowed remained on its highest setting.</p><p> </p><p>“You can let go of me now, Rose. It was a panic attack, not the end of Titanic.” I tried to sound nonchalant.</p><p> </p><p>JD remained still, his eyes darting between my face and his watch. His expression was strangely inscrutable.</p><p> </p><p>“Newbie,” I barked, “I’m fine! Let go.”</p><p> </p><p>This was patently false and I felt my defenses faltering.</p><p> </p><p>His grip tightened from firm to vise-like. There was a note of desperation, somehow. Was it his or mine? I was terrified.</p><p> </p><p>“JD I swear to God—“</p><p> </p><p>His head snapped up to look at me.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, why can’t you just let go for once and let someone take care of you?!”</p><p> </p><p>The quiver in his voice was not of fear—of or for me; my breathing had by now all but normalized. But the words rendered me unable to respond. I think even he was surprised by his outburst, as he quickly released my arm and turned away. The flood of sensations that had surfaced in me, however, did not follow. I watched in my periphery as he rolled back onto his butt and gently hugged his knees.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to have the urge to apologize. Don’t,” I said flatly.</p><p> </p><p>“But I—“</p><p> </p><p>“You were worried. That’s it. End of story.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Who am I trying to convince, here?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He remained silent, picking up a small seashell and examining it briefly. Then he chucked it toward the ocean, landing a few dozen yards short.</p><p> </p><p>The sound of waves crashing against one another slowly eroded the terror in my chest and quieted whatever tension remained between us. We sat in the growing calm as the moon rose and the brightest stars blinked on. I leaned back on my elbows and glanced over at JD, who was gazing skyward, absently drawing circles in the sand. As I watched him navigate his own thoughts, the years’ worth of stowed feelings started assembling themselves into a cohesive picture. All this time it had remained abstract and obscured, but suddenly it filtered into blinding clarity. It had the potential to complicate literally everything, but was so simple that I can’t believe it took so long to realize. <em>Well, maybe “realize” is the wrong word,</em> I allowed, chewing my lip contemplatively. <em>More like “admit.”</em></p><p> </p><p>I sat up abruptly, startling myself and him, as evidenced by the speed at which his head whipped around.</p><p> </p><p>“John Dorian.”</p><p> </p><p>His eyebrows practically climbed past his hairline.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just use my actual, full name? The one my parents gave me?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Doctor</em> Dorian.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dr. Cox, you’re scaring me,” he laughed nervously.</p><p> </p><p>Truthfully though, he sounded more intrigued than scared. I continued, virtually ignoring him as I fought an emerging smile.</p><p> </p><p>“The second you set foot into my ICU, I knew you were going to make my life an absolute hell. I just didn’t know <em>how</em> right I was. Which was good for <em>you</em>, I might add.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, what was good for me? I’m sorry, did you say I make your life hell?” He pouted the way an eight-year-old does when you tell him he can’t eat all of his Halloween candy in one night. I couldn’t hide my amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em>son of a bitch</em>.” My nearly perfect monotone probably sounded psychopathic. Especially since my face was now mere millimeters from his.</p><p> </p><p>The poor kid didn’t know whether to be terrified or offended, and as much as I wanted to savor the moment of his sheer cluelessness, I wanted the next moment even more.</p><p> </p><p>I slowly lifted my hand and pressed an open palm into his chest. JD glanced down at it and back to my face. I tried to hold his gaze, but it rapidly became difficult. I was suddenly aware that I had shown my hand and had no backup plan. <em>No backing out now</em>, I mused. <em>Probably better that way.</em></p><p> </p><p>The look of realization spread across his face and my legs turned rubbery. He didn’t exactly seem like a left-hook kind of guy but an open-palm slap did not appear entirely out of the question.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> I braced for the backlash.</span></p><p> </p><p>“I thought you hated me.” His voice was low and quiet, but steady. Slap averted.</p><p> </p><p>“So did I,” I breathed.</p><p> </p><p>“But you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guess not.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>At this point we were so close I swore I could hear his heartbeat. It may have been my own again, throbbing in my ears. But it was definitely his breath that I felt weaving through the dwindling space between us.</p><p> </p><p>As his eyes searched mine for any remaining doubts, I saw my reflection in his gaze. The names I called him to distance myself and to distort the lens of my own attraction. The trust he put in me that I never felt I deserved. A primal drive to protect him that I did my best to obscure through anger and isolation. And how every time I would push him away he’d just push back harder.</p><p> </p><p>So I made one final push forward, this time straight into him. My free hand gripped at the back of his head and the other dropped from his chest to wrap around his waist. I pulled him roughly, tenderly, desperately into my chest and enveloped his lips in mine.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>So, things started happening...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Kiss me back, please, for the love of literally everything, kiss me back.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>His arms up to that moment had hung limply at his sides, but the shock dissipated and they moved to capture my neck. He pulled me impossibly closer and tighter. He pried apart my lips with his tongue and the taste of him was intoxicating. It sent a jolt through me unlike any of those before it. Ten thousand times the intensity and awakening every nerve ending from a captive sleep.</p><p> </p><p>An indefinite amount of time passed before we separated just enough to catch our breath. I inhaled as deeply as my lungs would allow, trying to find the perfect words for the moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for kissing me back.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>JD laughed. It was a full on belly laugh, head tilted backward and open-mouthed. I felt my cheeks burn and averted my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess I definitely don’t hate you,” I tried to recover, grimacing at the second consecutive failure.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t say,” he grinned. “I’ve been hate-kissed before and that was <em>not</em> what that was.”</p><p> </p><p>Curiosity got the best of me and I again met his eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Hate-kissed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you really want to hear more about college?”</p><p> </p><p>“I really do not.”</p><p> </p><p>I found his surprising calm and confidence unbearably alluring in the persisting chaos and confusion. The moon glinted off of his eyes as he shot me an expectant look.</p><p> </p><p>“So what <em>do</em> you want to do?” His eyebrows rose suggestively, welcoming only one correct answer.</p><p> </p><p>I nearly launched myself back toward him, wrapping one arm around his neck and grasping the small of his back with the other hand. We fell together into the sand, completely entwined. The second kiss was more frantic and frenetic, and something I would have allowed to continue unending. Almost. As it was, the heat had spread throughout us and our hunger gained the upper hand.</p><p> </p><p>I felt a twinge of guilt as we began shedding our funeral suits and tossing their pieces into the surrounding dunes, but reasoned that it seemed exactly like something Ben would have encouraged. JD caught my moment of hesitation and gathered me quickly in his arms. </p><p> </p><p>“If he were alive he would’ve been high-fiving you right about now,” he reassured with a heartbreaking note of kindness. I couldn’t disagree and after a contemplative moment, nodded profusely. I tugged at his collar to expose the side of his neck, which I felt was obscenely unbruised.</p><p> </p><p>We struggled with our own ties and one another’s. The shirt buttons unhooked easily, as did our respective belts. I’d seen him half-naked on more than one occasion; doctor’s locker rooms don’t really abide privacy. But this moment was decidedly different. I unhooked my fingers from his belt loops and pulled away.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dr. Cox, if you’re changing your mind now—“</p><p> </p><p>“Definitely not. I just need a minute to...see you.”</p><p> </p><p>JD gave himself a cursory once-over and glanced back at me.</p><p> </p><p>“Not much to see,” he shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck it, I never want to look at anything else.”</p><p> </p><p>I stepped forward and once again pulled him into me, grabbing his backside with both hands, and whispered gruffly in his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“You should probably call me Perry now.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This part is mostly just smutty nonsense, so...ya know. Enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OK, listen, I’m just dumping the whole rest of this thing up on here tonight.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Perry,” JD growled.</p><p> </p><p>Apparently the suggestion lit a fuse, as he’d hardly finished saying my name before his mouth recaptured mine, tongue darting in and out with more expertise than I’d have expected. I bit and sucked at his lower lip, so enraptured that I don’t remember how we safely made away from the rocky slope.</p><p> </p><p>I’d always been the typical narcissistic asshole in bed, according to just about everyone, but was suddenly overcome with the urge to give this man everything he could ever want or need. As he paused for air once more, I took the opportunity to pull away from his lips, tracing fervent kisses down his jaw and chin and into the crook of his neck. His gentle writhing and soft twitches spurred me on, and I traversed the smooth lines of his chest, stopping frequently to nip and chew at the spots that elicited the most enthusiastic responses. My hands traced down his hips and gripped his slight, but surprisingly firm thighs, to which he tensed with evident pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>My face was now inches from his groin and I watched as each slow, deliberate breath caused small spasms across the region.</p><p> </p><p>“Please,” he breathed. I responded by massaging his thighs with my thumbs, coaxing a desperate, guttural moan. </p><p> </p><p>“Soon,” I spoke in what I hoped was a rough but reassuring growl. After all, just because I was going to give him everything doesn't mean I wasn’t going to take my sweet time to enjoy it.</p><p> </p><p>JD’s tightly closed eyes opened and he propped himself up on an elbow.</p><p> </p><p>“Perry—“ His free hand clasped firmly where my neck and shoulder meet, fingers curling through the ends of my hair, and he looked into me with a fire that set my whole being ablaze. Hands still on his thighs, I moved briefly upward to meet his lips with another kiss that practically drained us both of oxygen. Our mouths broke contact and I grinned with as much mischief and passion and promise that a man in my state could manage. Then swiftly returned to his pelvis, where I drew my tongue in small circles around his navel.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, teasingly, I slid my tongue beneath where the head of his cock rested on his stomach, and lifted it into my mouth. This was met with a string of breathy whimpers and strained curses, all punctuated with varied utterances of my name. JD’s fingers tightened around my neck with each barely coherent syllable and the tension I felt building in his body was electrifying. Everything that surrounded us, sounds and smells and sensations, melted to the periphery until there was only us. His hips began to roll upward to meet my downward movements in a slow, even pace, and with each motion I eased my mouth farther down his shaft. Our rhythms merged until I could no longer distinguish between us. The warmth of our unified motion flooded every bit of emptiness I had ever felt and I allowed myself to be submerged beneath it. Eventually I felt his desperation for release breach the surface and his pace quickened. The gentle rolling of his hips was overtaken by increasingly frantic thrusts and I reveled in the motions that forced sharp, uneven breaths from my lungs.</p><p> </p><p>His writhing was now interspersed with violent spasms and I could feel the seconds dwindling before his total undoing. I thought I had known how badly I had wanted—or needed—to be in this moment with him, but its approach renewed these feelings with a feverish vigor. I wrapped one hand around the base of his twitching cock and continued the motions my mouth had traced. Then I used my free hand to position myself directly above his panting form, our lips a hair’s width apart. My hand came to rest beside his cheek, which I cradled firmly in my palm.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m c-close,” he whimpered.</p><p> </p><p>“I know,” I managed between my own erratic breaths.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow our frenzied motions only served to highlight the placid beauty of the man beneath me, and I used every remaining ounce of energy to memorize every detail on his face. My eyes bore into his with a mix of intensity and adoration that I was unable to contain as I guided him further to the edge.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s right, come for me, JD. Just let go,” I urged, quickening the strokes to a pace that even his desperation could not match. </p><p> </p><p>“Per—I—“</p><p> </p><p>All at once, his breath hitched and his hips jerked upward, and I captured his mouth in mine a final time. A new chain of expletives and moans and guttural whimpers burst from his very core, my mouth muffling their escape and sending vibrations into my chest. The shockwaves almost knocked the wind from my lungs and I bit down on JD’s jaw as he continued to spasm through the waning moments of climax.</p><p> </p><p>As the tremors finally subsided, he smiled, exhausted and serene. It was a sight beyond gorgeous and as incredible as I knew my first orgasm with him would be (and as much as I ached for that experience), knowing the look on his face was of my doing was at that moment reward enough.</p><p> </p><p>“Atta boy,” I growled in his ear, stroking his cheek, and I carved a few more kisses down his jaw.</p><p> </p><p>Moments later I found myself on my back, his head resting on my chest with one arm slung over my waist. He dozed off within minutes, but not before I heard him dreamily mumble,</p><p> </p><p>“Perry.”</p><p> </p><p>As I watched this beautiful young man rest against me in blissful repose, I realized how much of a need I’d had for the type of closeness and comfort that the his presence provided. Unfettered by doubt, I resolved to do everything in my power to hold onto it, and to him, if he would have me.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fluffy, cheesy confessions ahoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had no idea how long we had been asleep, but I awoke to the kid still resting across my chest, shivering in his sleep against the pre-dawn air. I could’ve stared at him for far longer, but decided I could do that somewhere less freezing and sand-covered.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Newbie, rise and shine,” I murmured close to his ear, curling my fingers through his hair. JD groaned something unintelligible into my chest before tilting his head up to meet my gaze. His eyes widened when he realized, I guessed, where he was and with whom. Flashes of fear and panic followed and I felt my heart break more than a little bit. Of course he would be terrified. What reason had I ever given him to entrust me with his vulnerability?He scrambled off of me and tumbled backward into the sand, still naked and shaking more violently. He groped through piles of sand with terrified urgency.</p><p> </p><p>“I—uh—I’m—That wasn’t a dream. Okay. That’s fine. We were drunk. Very very drunk. Where are my pants? I need to go feed Rowdy—“</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, JD,” I said in my firmest, but most reassuring voice. He ceased all movement. “You’re not in trouble, I’m not mad at you, and I regret nothing about what happened between us. And I’m hoping you don’t either, because, truth be told there, Kid, it was nothing short of amazing.” My candor surprised even me and I gave myself a mental pat on the back, but my Newbie’s silence as he knelt wide-eyed and frozen, spoke volumes.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright if you don’t quite believe me yet,” I continued. I know I’ve wasted way too much of our time together being downright cruel to you. From here on out, though, I want to be better for you. I’m not saying I won’t fuck it up sometimes and get in my own way like I’m wont to do, but I promise I’m going to try. I owe you that at the bare minimum.” </p><p> </p><p>“So, you don’t want to take it back,” he mused, almost to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Take what back? Your orgasm? And, by the way, you’re welcome,” I smirked. JD smiled back sheepishly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just that I’ve been through this before,” he began. “People who are hurting tend to say things that are—things that they wouldn’t normally say. But to hear you say all of this now, in cold sobriety, is...” he trailed off.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I’m pretty great,” I couldn’t help but grin.</p><p> </p><p>“No, well I mean, yes, you are!” he stammered. “It’s just...how is this actually going to play out at the hospital? There are people there, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Kid, buckle up,” I instructed, downright excited to give the speech I’d been practicing as he’d slept against me. “So you know how I hate, well, everybody?”</p><p> </p><p>He affirmed with a slow nod.</p><p> </p><p>“Well the upside of that is that I also don’t give the tiniest shit what anyone thinks of me. And to tell you the truth, Newbie, I thought for the longest time that went doubly for you. Except instead of just being my usual apathetic self, I wanted to hate you and for you to hate me. I put a law-hot of effort into that, in fact. But even before today, before yesterday and all of this, I started wondering why. Why was I trying so hard to make you hate me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just figured hockey season was over.” The lilt in his voice returned and I smiled in spite of myself.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve pretty much given everything but my actual soul to that hospital. Watched what feels like thousands of people die and wondered if I ever did anything worthwhile. Everything felt futile.” I cleared my throat before continuing.</p><p> </p><p>“Until you started. Suddenly, in walks this kid. This young, naive, cocky, terrified, caring idiot. You did more than just remind me of myself as an intern. You reminded me why I started doing this job in the first place. And whatever it sparked scared the ever-loving crap out of me. You made me want to keep caring about the job, sure. But caring about you? I wasn’t close to ready for that.” JD idly sifted sand through his fingers, unsure of what to do with any of what I was saying. “But I’m ready now.”</p><p> </p><p>I’d had little doubt about his feelings; we were both there the previous night, after all. But I have to admit the few seconds of silence after I finished speaking started scraping at the edges of that self-assuredness.</p><p> </p><p>Then he smiled. Just slightly at first, but as my words hung in the space between us, it was as though someone had switched on tiny Christmas lights behind his eyes. They glinted their usual oceanic blue and his smile stretched toward both ears into a tooth-filled grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready for what, exactly, Perry?” I knew he was just prodding me at this point, but to hell if I didn’t deserve it. Besides, I wanted everything said plainly and simply.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I didn’t get enough time with Ben. And I don’t know if I’ll ever stop regretting not seeing him more. I just know that I can’t afford to make that mistake again. To put off the important things until the timing is better. So I’m ready, JD. The next time we walk back into Sacred Heart, whatever that place has to throw at us, I want to work knowing that when our shift is over, we leave—you know—together. I have no interest in hiding. I’ll tell HR myself. And Kelso. Though, if you want to come along for that so we can make out in front of him, that’d just be gravy,” I winked.“And if anyone wants to give you shit about it, they’ll be lucky to leave with all four limbs intact. So no, I do not want to take it back. Is that clear enough for you?”</p><p> </p><p>This time I didn’t have to wait long for an answer. In fact the final “you” hardly left my mouth before he grabbed the tie I’d hung loosely around my neck and pulled me into himself, chest-to-chest, for a kiss that somehow surpassed any of the many others we’d shared in the previous hours. I always thought that “seeing stars” was a pointless exaggeration, but by my sister’s God if I didn’t see galaxies as every nerve where our skin made contact was set alight. I only managed to break away when I was absolutely gasping for air.</p><p> </p><p>JD took the opportunity to catch his own breath, exclaiming “This must be what that patient felt like when Turk accidentally defibrillated him while he was napping!”</p><p> </p><p>I cocked an eyebrow and opened my mouth to speak, but thought better of asking for additional details. Instead, I opted for an alternate question:</p><p> </p><p>“You hungry?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fluff and flashbacks, flashbacks and fluff.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reclining as far as the stiff bench seat would allow, I let myself stare at JD as he playfully drew circles in the melted dregs of strawberry ice cream we’d just shared, and felt my jaw drop just a bit as he licked the remnants from his pinkie. Maybe if we hadn’t just been making out in the diner parking lot, it would have been slightly less arousing, but I couldn’t help stirring in my seat in a way that he definitely noticed. He directed a sly grin my way and scooped another finger-full onto his tongue, his lips enveloping the digit before lifting away slowly. It was so agonizingly delicious I could’ve flung him onto the table right there and given the other customers a <em>very</em> good show.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh come on, kid, you’re killing me over here,” I half-grunted, half-whimpered.</p><p> </p><p>“What ever do you mean, Per?” He winked playfully.</p><p> </p><p>I’d seen that wink before. The last time he did it was...wait...how did that happen? I knew that I’d immediately sent him scrambling with a good old Dr. Cox Rant du Jour, and then turned to Carla, keen on overplaying my exasperation.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  
</p><p>“I cannot believe that kid just winked at me like some kind of...uh...”</p><p> </p><p>“Like what, Doctor?” Carla prodded smugly.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not important,” I countered shortly. “I’m just baffled that he could <em>ever</em> in this impo-hoss-ibly long lifetime think that could <em>ever</em> be a good idea! Astonished, in fact, that someone would <em>ever</em>—“</p><p> </p><p>“—OK he’s been gone for like 5 minutes, you can cut the act now,” she said with the vocal equivalent of an eye roll.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me, <em>act</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you see Perry, there are three things that make it very obvious that you didn’t remotely hate that. In fact, I’d say probably quite the opposite.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh puh-leeez enlighten me, what on Earth are you talking about?” I was sneering outwardly, but inside, my chest had my heart in a chokehold.</p><p> </p><p>“Well for one,” she began, “you just used the word ‘ever’ three times in one breath and you only repeat words like that when you’re overcompensating for something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you got me. I’m overcompensating for the four hours of sleep I’ve gotten in the past seventy-two. Next.”</p><p> </p><p>Barely acknowledging my retort, Carla continued. “Secondly, you winked at him yesterday. I was standing right there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh for crying out loud, he outperformed every intern on the floor yesterday. I had to throw him a bone—don’t!” I cut myself off as she snickered. “You know what I mean. Anyhow what, pray tell, is the third thing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” Carla grinned with self-satisfaction, “ever since he walked away you’ve been white-knuckling the Nurse’s Station like you’re afraid a tornado is about to Dorothy Gale your ass to the Magical Land of Oz.”</p><p> </p><p>I glanced down at both hands, which were indeed clutching the edge of the table as though my feet were dangling off of a cliff, rather than safely planted beneath me.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” I mumbled, adding, “the sleep thing again.”</p><p> </p><p>Carla shrugged, smile still in full form, and exited toward a patient’s room without another word.</p><hr/><p> </p><p>How much effort had it taken for me to repress that? Because what even Carla hadn’t seemed to notice was the few extra minutes it took before I could finally walk away from the desk without having to explain a very suspicious roll-of-quarters situation. Even then I was still angling my clipboard to ensure maximum concealment.</p><p> </p><p>“I almost needed a <em>second</em> clipboard,” I laughed aloud to myself.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” JD looked bemused.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” I cleared my throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen,” he pouted, “that was cute and all, but the sudden daydream followed by an even more sudden non-sequitur is kind of <em>my</em> thing.” His pout immediately reverted to an enormous grin. “What were you thinking about, anyway?”</p><p> </p><p>“First off, Newbie, it wasn’t a <em>daydream</em>, it was a memory. <em>Bih-hig</em> difference.” I wasn’t actually annoyed at the kid, but it felt wrong not to at least try and wind him up. Alas, he seemed unaffected.</p><p> </p><p>“And second off?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Secondly,” I was grasping at straws, “you’ve been done with that ice cream for like ten minutes.”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Oh wow, you got me there,” he teased. “Well if you want, we can get another one to-go.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, waitress!” I called, standing abruptly. I roughly pulling JD to his feet by his lapels and placed the carry-out order before practically carrying him out to the car.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An agonizingly long car ride in a very short chapter.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I gunned the Porsche as hard as I felt I could get away with. Squirming uncomfortably, I found myself wishing that it had a “Beam-Us-Home-So-I-Can-Fuck-My-Boyfriend’s-Brains-Out” mode. <em>Boyfriend</em>. My mind replayed the word a few times and I decided it was the loveliest thing I’d ever heard. However, it did nothing to help the arousal that had been slamming itself against the inner walls of my body. JD had mostly remained silent after we left the diner, but I noticed him eyeing the bulge that had transformed my pants into a veritable straightjacket. I glanced sidelong and winked at him. He blushed slightly, suddenly very interested in a loose thread on his sleeve. </p><p> </p><p>I laughed in spite of myself.</p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, Kid, after the things I did to you last night, and the things you just said to me <em>ten minutes ago</em>, I don’t think you have to be embarrassed for checking me out anymore.” JD nodded and chuckled.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I think that’s gonna take awhile since I’ve spent the last two-plus years hiding every lustful glance I’ve ever taken at you.” I couldn’t help but flush a bit myself, but recovered quickly.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m all yours now. Glance away.”</p><p> </p><p>“All mine,” he pondered. “Damn, does this thing go any faster? I really need to take this ‘all mine’ thing for a spin.” And with that he brushed his hand playfully over my lap. I gasped sharply and it took all of my self-control not to ditch the steering wheel and flip him onto his back in the middle of the freeway. In the interest of keeping us both alive, I gripped the wheel a bit tighter.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep in mind, that’s a two-way street, Mister,” I managed through uneven breaths. “And when we get back, I plan on showing you exactly what that means.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They’re headed to Cox’s apartment. Need I say anything more?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>During the short elevator ride to my apartment, we made out like high schoolers under the bleachers at Homecoming. I bit and tugged gently at JD’s lower lip while his fingers dragged forcefully down my back. When the doors opened onto my floor, I lifted him up at the waist and he wrapped his legs around me, barely breaking the kiss to readjust. I jostled my key into the doorknob and threw open my door, kicking it shut behind us, and practically shot-put the kid into my bedroom. I wasn’t sure whether my heart or my dick were closer to bursting, but they both felt like strong possibilities.</p><p> </p><p>As JD peeled off his clothes once more and I took in his slender form glistening with beads of perspiration, I found myself begging.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen,” I nearly whimpered, “I love foreplay. I’m a big fan, actually. But if I don’t have every ounce of you in the next three minutes I may literally combust.” He smiled with wide, expectant eyes and catapulted himself backwards, nimbly discarding his boxers to the side of the bed. I supposed he was only clumsy when it suited him.</p><p> </p><p>My beautiful, all-mine, can’t-even-fucking-believe-my-luck Newbie peered up at me wordlessly, cock straining and throbbing, and arched his hips toward me. I dropped between his legs so quickly that I might as well have been kneecapped by some mob goon.</p><p> </p><p>Planting rough kisses and rougher nips across JD’s stomach, I rummaged blindly through my bedside table for lube and a condom and hastily dropped a handful of both on the bed beside us. We locked eyes and his normally stained-glass-sapphire irises darkened with feverish anticipation as I squeezed a generous amount of lube on my middle three fingers. Finally, I lowered myself over him until my lips grazed his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Last chance to change your mind,” I growled into his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Not even if that lube was actually just clear Jell-O. Although...” He tilted his head to the side, but I instinctively grabbed his chin with my free hand and pivoted it back toward me.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you dare, Newbie,” I warned, though I felt my lips curl in the direction of a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” he breathed. “Guess I’m a bit nervous. I mean, it’s you. And it’s me. And no amount of daydreaming could have prepared me for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I would hope not.” I nipped at his earlobe gently. “Just keep looking at me and don’t be afraid to tell me what you need.”</p><p> </p><p>JD barely had time to nod his assent before I began delicately circling his opening with a lubed finger. He uttered a moan in a register deeper than I would’ve thought he could produce. I felt more than welcome then, sliding my finger into and out of him at an urgent, but controlled pace. I experimented with different movements and curls, watching his face intently for any signs of discomfort. But so far I was only rewarded with expressions of intense bliss. His eyes squeezed shut and his lips parted ever so slightly as he exhaled long, heavy breaths.</p><p> </p><p>I allowed a second finger to tease his opening and his hips jerked upward, encouraging its entrance. Still wary of inflicting any discomfort, I pushed delicately into him with the second finger, eliciting a sharp and sudden gasp. I pumped slowly in and out in rhythm with gentle rotation until I felt him relax enough to begin stretching him with more conviction. As I pushed in a third finger and his hips rolled up into my hand, I felt my own member twitch with an agonizing desire.</p><p> </p><p>“P—Perry,” he gasped, gazing at me from below hooded lids.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, Newbie?” I watched his face twitch as he lost the struggle for coherence.</p><p> </p><p>“Now. Please. Need...you...inside.”</p><p> </p><p>I eagerly accepted the invitation. I leaned forward a final time, angled his chin toward me, and pressed a bruising kiss into his parted lips. I repositioned myself between his thighs and finally, hungrily, pushed the head of my cock into his tight, intoxicating warmth. Before I could even process the immense pleasure, JD grabbed forcefully at my hips and pulled me all the way into him. His suddenness, boldness, and the sheer friction I felt rocketed me to the brink of complete blackout.</p><p> </p><p>“Nnnnghhhh,” one or both of us groaned. I could no longer discern to which of us the flurry of noises belonged.</p><p> </p><p>My vision narrowed until all I could see was the pure, gorgeous bliss on his face, urging me to continue. I gathered considerable pace and his hips rolled up to meet each deep thrust. As I steadied myself with one hand on his chest and wrapped the fingers of my other hand around his pulsating cock, I wondered briefly if any other two humans had ever reached this intensity of unadulterated pleasure. JD’s moans and whimpers became more frequent and more breathless, and his tensing muscles alerted me that he was close. Our thrusts quickened to a frantic pace and the sound of wet skin colliding pushed me toward the apex much faster than that to which I’m accustomed.</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed his hips and buried myself deep inside of him, which seemed to cause his whole nervous system to short-circuit. His breathy moans ceased and he went silent as I pulled him into me. With what remaining ability I had to speak, I managed a single gruff, rasping sentence:</p><p> </p><p>“You are so fucking beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>His tightly-shut eyes snapped open to meet mine and an enormous smile overtook his glistening face. Overcome, he pulled my head down and caught my lips once more. His groans reverberated into me until it was finally too much. With one last forceful thrust, I felt my entire being tense and then let myself go inside of him. My eyes saw colors that I’m quite sure were outside of the visible spectrum and I was overtaken by violent spasms. Through it all, my hand still maneuvered the length of his shaft until he emitted one final gasp, coating my fingers with the rewards of my efforts. Breathlessly, JD joined me in the come-down.</p><p> </p><p>Our bodies eventually stilled and I collapsed on top of him, exhaustion suddenly flooding my muscles. We both panted heavily for many silent minutes until I gathered the strength to look back up into his satisfied, crimson-flushed face. Wrapping one arm around his midsection, I rolled off of him and pulled him on top of me to rest his head on my chest. For many minutes, the silence was punctuated only by our gradually quieting breaths.</p><p> </p><p>After awhile, I peered down to see my Newbie’s eyes closed and mouth slightly agape, and heard barely audible snores escaping at regular intervals. I couldn’t help but reach down and curl my fingers through his hair, occasionally stroking his forehead with my fingertips. He stirred slightly and forced an eye open.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm,” he murmured.</p><p> </p><p>“How ya doin there, Kid?” I nearly whispered.</p><p> </p><p>“Perfect,” he mouthed. I glanced over his body, tightly curled against mine,hands on either side of my chest, and his legs entangled in my own.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” I breathed, “I think you are.”</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>All’s gay that ends gay, amirite?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Any preference?” I called out from my closet.</p><p> </p><p>“Preferably something with buttons. I like feeling cozy,” JD said dreamily.</p><p> </p><p>“Classic flannel it is, but I’m warning you, all of my pajamas are going to be way too big and you’re going to look like you’re playing dress-up.” </p><p> </p><p>“No I won’t!” he countered.“And it doesn’t matter anyhow because it’ll smell like you. Nothing cozier than that.”</p><p> </p><p>I had to admit that such outward affection outside of bedroom activities was still a bit foreign and overwhelming to me, but I reminded myself that I’d be much worse off without it.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, here ya go Johnny-Boy,” I announced as I tossed the pajama shirt toward the kid. We both watched it sail past his head and flatten against the opposite wall before crumpling to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Johnny-Boy?” JD raised his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p><em>He’s right. That’s maybe a bit much, Perry.</em> I swiped at my nose and across the top of my head.</p><p> </p><p>“I was, uh, trying something. Sorry,” I muttered.</p><p> </p><p>“No, don’t apologize. I like it, actually. You have a pet name for me!” He grinned contentedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Should’ve known,” I chuckled. He turned to gather the fallen shirt and shrugged it onto his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>I crossed the room to meet him and took hold of the top button, pressing my forehead against his as I fastened it. Even though the shirt was five or six sizes too big for him, I realized he was right. It didn’t really make him look like a kid at all. He just looked like he was...</p><p> </p><p><em>Mine</em>.</p>
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